Boitday

I turned 25 last Friday. Yey! I barely noticed it because my entire being was occupied by my thesis defense, which happened to be on the same day. More on this in another entry.

25. Nice number. Not as scary as I imagined it to be, actually. Mark says it's a good thing I had my quarterlife crisis when I was 23. This "pre-quarterlife" crisis culminated in an anxiety attack on the roofdeck of a building on Ayala Ave. It was lunchtime and I was crying and shaking and laughing, not knowing the reason why. Other people probably thought Mark and I were breaking up, or that I was a lunatic. Hee. Intermittently I would succumb to "episodes", which meant shopping for outrageous stuff that have (thankfully) stayed in the shadows of my closet ever since. I've been to the the doctor because of severe headaches which I thought were migraines, only to be prescribed anti-anxiety pills.

I must confess, I was scared. In one of my grad school classes, we were asked to come up with a "life plan." I took it way seriously, of course. It was the hardest assignment I had to do. I had to put down on paper what had only been swimming in my head, provide targets and timelines, present an appropriate approach and process. Plan my life? I could hardly make my bed in the morning. How do you plan for the uncertainty of everyday, for the inconsistencies of human behavior, for the unpredictable nature of human life? Is it really unpredictable or is that just an excuse? What is our purpose anyway? Why do even endeavor to do what we do? What the hell is the point when we can die the very next minute?? Ah, such is the paradox of planning. Which makes you realize that the question of planning - urban, regional, development, all kinds - lies at the heart of those philosophical questions you dare not ask. It's a great big can of worms. I opened the can and I was horrified - and equally excited.

Anyway, by the time 2007 rolled by, I managed to put those questions behind me, and I was finally fine. :)

Speaking of 2007, it has been a pretty darn good year so far. Traveled to three continents, passed (nay, aced! Hahaha.) the Board, finished my MA (although it's not over until the dean affixes his precious signature on my book. yikes.), and began realizing my (and my friends') vision for the future of environmental planning in the Philippines (naks). I've been faced with and still face big and small problems that I shall happily solve. I continue to have the wonderful, supportive loved ones who all mean the world to me.

They say it's not wise to make lists of things you have or still have to accomplish, so I'll stop here. I'm happy. I guess that sums it up. There is so much more to do, but there really is nothing I could ask for from the Universe, except to continue giving me strength to push on. I know my faith will move me.

Happy birthday to me!